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so this actually happened two weeks ago, but i have been too busy doing nothing  to write it up. for those of you who don’t know, three weeks ago i moved up to london to stay with my friends. they have two kittens, one is small and very furry and smart, the other is huge and dumb. when i moved in i was warned that there may be a mouse around, because a bag of popcorn had disappeared. so, on the friday afternoon, i needed to go shower because i was headed to a party in the evening. i went into the bathroom and both cats were in there, now, they do often sit in weird places, so i didn’t think it was necessarily odd. but then i saw it. the mouse. it was tiny, one of those little field ones (we live like 30 seconds from the park), but even so it just filled me with this sudden sense of terror. it was kind of half dead, luckily lilah (the smart one) had batted it around enough so that it wasn’t going to move anywhere by itself, but it was still twitching and it was gross. luckily they haven’t learned to properly eat it yet so it was still intact and not mangled. i ran back into the living room and went straight online to ask my bestie what in the fuck to do. he told me i had to kill it because it was cruel to just leave it being tortured. now this was doubly hard considering that i’ve never had to kill anything that wasn’t a bug before, combined with the whole hating and being scared of them thing. there was no way in hell i would be able to actually touch it with my hands, so he told me i should pick it up with a newspaper, put it in a carrier bag, and hit it with a hammer. which i did. except i didn’t know where i would find a hammer so i used my wellie instead. and then i threw the bag straight in the trash. the whole thing was made more complicated by the fact that jim (the dumb one) had managed to get it the whole way down the stairs and had managed to lose it under the doormat. i haven’t seen one since, so that’s good at least. and right now jim is putting his bum in lilah’s face.

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in the summer last year, i signed up to a certain free dating website on recommendation of a friend. i got a message from a guy taunting me that i should be jealous because he had morrissey tickets (which he later couldn’t go to anyway because of the whole stage illness thing, ha). anyway, i replied to him because of it and we started chatting. by this point i had already started dating the officer of the british army so i wasn’t interested, but we continued talking online.

one night i was really fucking bored, and he said he was going to the pub quiz and i should go. i said yes. i then got there only for him to say that he was half joking and never expected me to come. people need to learn that they should not suggest things to me expecting me to say no, i don’t roll that way. so i was introduced around the table. i’m sure they all thought i was mental. this was probably compounded by the fact that on this first night i had a big argument with one of them about whether benjamin franklin was ever the president ( i was right of course). and then subsequently sent him a message on facebook with links to wikipedia proving my point. another lesson, don’t try and tell me i’m wrong when i know i’m right, i won’t let it go.

despite this i managed to impress enough for the boys to ask if i was coming back again. and i did go back, and have been back almost every week since (all except one week when i was stuck in devon with a bad back if i remember rightly). i have contributed my knowledge of such academic topics as celebrity baby gossip and film star pseudonyms ever since. i have also managed to get so drunk on one night that i had to go home from work hungover the next day, to show several of them half-naked pictures of myself (nothing which isn’t on twitter or tumblr but it’s a little different in real life), and to accidentally agree to a date which i then had to get out of.

now i’m moving to london this very saturday. so tonight was supposed to be my last ever quiz. and it snowed. and my dad refused to drive me there. so i had to miss it. which sucks balls. however, i have just realised that i was ‘treasurer’, and i still have a decent chunk of previous winnings in my purse. so, you know, silver lining

some resolutions

i don’t usually make new year’s resolutions, but this year i decided that i would go for it, and actually try hard to keep them.

  1. don’t drink wine if i’m planning on having more than 2 drinks total. i know that wine gives me the worst hangovers. i spent most of today throwing up and with my head feeling like someone was chiseling it. and i’ve never learned so far. so i’m going to stop, if i’m drinking drinking it will be spirits only from now on
  2. don’t do anything which i don’t want to do. this is the actual serious one of them all. i’ve wasted enough of my time doing stuff that i don’t want to be doing, so that’s it, i’m not doing it to myself any more. everything i do this year is going to be something that i want to do and makes me happy
  3. attempt to do a 365. a lot of people seem to be doing these this year, and i fully admit i’m just jumping on the bandwagon, but i like it. i’m planning on taking pictures which tell something about what i did that day rather than concentrating on trying to make them amazing. this is the one i took today, i’m in my bathroom, i thought it was appropriate
  4. keep my film list up-to-date. i normally keep a list of every film i’ve seen, and this year i’ve totally neglected it, so i’m determined to make sure i write them all down this year, and try to fill in all the ones i’ve forgotten from this year
  5. start my new food blog (which i did today) and keep it up. i want to make it a proper thing, not just do it all half-arsed and only post odd things when i remember. basically i’m working my way through two 1001 things to eat before you die books (1796 foods in total) and taking pictures of the foods and writing some kind of review/anecdote to go with it. it’d be good to get at least 365 foods done by the end of the year

so that’s it. i’m going to try hard, i’m not going to get bored and quit stuff like i usually do

i don’t like most of the regular christmas sweet foodstuffs. mince pies, christmas cake and christmas pudding are all out. i don’t like stollen or panettone either. they still have mixed peel in and mixed peel is the work of the devil. so i make up for it by consuming my own body weight in chocolate biscuits. we always have a similar selection. firstly there is the box of chocolate brandy snaps. these seem to be something exclusive to christmas. maybe because they have brandy in the title. but anyway they are very crunchy and have that delicious demerara sugar taste all smothered in thick chocolate, and therefore they are good. then we have florentines. you can’t beat chocolate and nuts together. and florentines have caramel as well. that is all i need to say. we also always have a classic chocolate biscuit selection. i think that you have to go a long way to beat the marks and spencers ones. you know the ones i mean in the blue box. those chocolate ring ones with more chocolate than biscuit epitomise what a good one should be like. and then there are the lebkuchens, which are all soft and spicy in their lovely germanness. this is possibly my favourite part of the whole of christmas. i really deserve to be fat

so my work christmas party was on friday. i say my work christmas party. it was actually the party of the people i used to work with last year and i tagged along. the party of my most recent job (which i actually left last friday anyway) was today. and whether i’d left or not i had no intention of going. despite spending fricking hours of my time arranging the bloody thing, i had no desire to spend a load of money eating lunch with a bunch of people i don’t like. so i chose to spend a load of money drinking alcohol with a bunch of people i do like instead. i started so well, sipping on g&t’s, then jane noticed that i didn’t have any wine. which resulted in her pouring me a glass of rose (and i don’t even like rose), and then shouting at me and filling my glass up every time she noticed that it had been empty for more than 0.24 seconds. admittedly i could have drank slower, but she would have topped it up anyway, she’s like that. so i progressed from being all pristine and sober, to taking a beautiful picture of myself in the toilets (by the sinks… not in the actual toilet), to sending tweets/texts/emails which had no resemblance whatsoever to the english language. and if people know me they know that i can usually spell impeccably even when heavily inebriated. after moving from one pub to another (via a trip to tesco which resulted in my purchase of still-cellophaned marlboro lights), i met the two steves from work. the recent work. i believe i talked to them for quite a while, though my primary memory is of telling one steve he should marry his girlfriend. while sat on his lap.

for as long as i can remember (well, specifically since sunday) i’ve wanted a christmas jumper. festive clothing is one of the few things i’m passionate about when it comes to christmas. i have 2 pairs of pyjama bottoms, several pairs of pants and socks, and a ridiculous santa negligée. it’s red with fluffy white trimming. no-one has yet had the pleasure of seeing it, clearly they are all missing out

anyway, the jumper. i want it to have reindeers and snowflakes on. but it has to be in a small enough pattern and nice enough colours so that it just about errs on the side of tasteful. following 24 years of christmas movie and tv-special experience i thought this would be easy. it was not. i started with the regular high street shop websites – topshop, new look, dorothy perkins and the like. no luck. went for the department store websites  like house of fraser and debenhams – no luck. thought someone might sell handmade ones on etsy, but no. tried ebay which had a scarce selection of overpriced tat. delia then alerted me to a christmas jumper shop website she’d heard advertised on the radio. i was momentarily thrilled. then i found out they were £69.50 each. and more to the point, would not be delivered in time for christmas, helpful

so i switched to just searching on the google shopping pages. i found this:

i was thrilled. it was perfect. suitably festive. reindeers. snowflakes. nice colours. affordable at £28. ok it’s mens but a small would have been fine. and oh yes, it was OUT OF STOCK. and so as yet my mission is still unfulfilled and i am still grumpy and jumperless

i like to talk. a lot. and i’m already on twitter and tumblr where i can say things in short bursts. but sometimes i need to rant/ramble/overshare/shamelessly whore myself out somewhere where i can write considerably more words. hence teawithlemon extended. i shall be doing my first proper post shortly. it shall be brilliant and i’m sure you all (i.e. the none of you who are reading this yet) will love it